Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Good Morning, World

Ok, So my attitude SUCKS.

It is really bad, and we all know why...I have been avoiding the blog like the plague because it makes me face the way I feel and what I am doing.  I feel like such a hypocrite, I want to be this Wellness Warrior and yet I can't gracefully handle this setback.

It's JUST my knee.  It's JUST temporary.

But for some reason, my attitude SUCKS.

The best I can say is this:  You never really know how much you love something until you are forced to turn your back on it.  Cliches are gross.

It's true though.  I love running, so much.  I am not GOOD runner.  I am not an EXPERT.  I am not FAST.  I am not ELITE.  But I still LOVE running.  I really love to run.  

There is nothing more freeing than being out running, and no having anything but that at that moment.  To just be running.  

It is impossible for me to fully verbalize how I feel when I run.  I have this truly existentialist moment when I run.  When I run I just AM. 

In the last three years, I have transformed myself from a self-loathing-overweight-depressed-mess to a confident-healthy-happy-mess.   It's not just a phase.  I have fallen completely and utterly in love with this sport. 

I use to think that if it weren't for Goliath, I probably wouldn't run.  I know now how untrue this is.  Running validates who I am and how I feel.

There is a lot in this world that brings me joy, I have so much to be thankful for.
Running brings me the mental clarity to appreciate these things.

So yes, my attitude sucks but when I am in a funk what do I do?


1 comment:

elkonigin said...

I feel your pain. The back of my knee has been aching for almost an entire month, which means no long mentally-cleansing runs. I feel like a basket case! The worst part is watching my old neighbors running like it's completely effortless.

I've learned my lesson though. It's better to let everything heal and start off slow again than to fudge everything back up and have to wait even longer to heal.