Monday, February 15, 2010

Couldn't wait to get goin' but wasn't quite ready to leave

Well, we're back! Aspen was beautiful and vacation was needed. The absence from Goliath was nearly more than I could take, I think I might have a little separation anxiety myself. Call me obsessive and crazy-but I love my dog, he makes me smile when no one else can and he goes with me when no one else will.

It's been nearly two weeks since I've laced up the Bowermans, and secured the leash. And I'm really feeling it. It's right about this time where the hormonal low starts to get to me. The depression sets in, and the motivation isn't hard to find. The problem? My health. It's the total pits right now. Without getting into all the gory details, and sparing you photographs I had some minor oral surgery on the previous Friday, and there were complications, and complications to the complications. I'm on high dose pain killers and oral and intramandibular antibiotics for the next three weeks, when I will have hopefully my last round of surgeries.

This couldn't have happened at a more inconvenient time. Of course right after vacation and the dead middle of marat training. I've missed so many days of training, that my fitness level and lactate threshold will be null. I've laid in a bed for a week, I've lost a little over ten pounds. Ten pounds of muscle mass. I'm nervous.

What do you do after set backs? Where you pick back up in training?

Usually, I'd just go out for an easy run to see what I can do. I want to be 100% but I can't wait another day. I don't want to push myself too much too soon, but that's kind of who I am. I've come to accept that I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person, but I've also come to accept that this part of me needs to change. It's why I keep getting injured, It's why I'm considerably more frustrated with my training than your average runner and It's why I've never been able to just relax.

When I'm not pushing myself there's a knot in my stomach that's akin to that rock you get when you feel guilty. It probably is guilt. Guilt because I know I can do better than whatever it is I just half butted.

While I know it's not healthy to be this hard of myself, especially while I'm trying to recover in the first place, I don't really know any other way.

Baby steps I guess.

1 comment:

Manderz said...

Take it easy Julia. Dont beat yourself up - you are awesome. I hope you are back to your old self soon!!